Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
