I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
