My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
