she was so not down for the gang bang
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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