Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
