hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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