I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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