question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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