did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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