I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is my gift to your gina
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
