i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
