last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
