I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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