Nicole vs. Life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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