me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
