I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
