My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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