this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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