That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
