cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
