We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
