I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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