I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
