I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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