I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
