I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
