You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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