Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
