We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
