Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
