I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
