the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
