There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
