Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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