the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
