My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
