Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
