I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
