Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
