how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
