so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
