I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
