k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
