Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We are two peas in an std pod
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
