I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
