"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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