At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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