I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just pee around me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
