Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
