when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night I used snow as a chaser
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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